I smell stomach acid.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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