Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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