I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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