please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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