You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize