just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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