My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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