in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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