Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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