dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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