If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize