I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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