Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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