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Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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