I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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