were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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