I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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