Sponge bath it is.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Houston, we have a squirter
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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