my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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