Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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