wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize