My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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