haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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