Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize