There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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