I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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