Please, let me fuck your mom
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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