I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How does one acquire holy water?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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