were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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