Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize