rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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