watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize