i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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