The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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