i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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