I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize