Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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