Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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