when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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