Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize