you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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