I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize