): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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