i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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