you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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