You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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