If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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