I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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