I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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