i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize